Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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