You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
