Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
