I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
