Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
false alarm. still invincible.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
