thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize