I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
