So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
