Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
