Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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