mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
