I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
