we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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