dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
