as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
