Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize