I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
