I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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