i will never coherently bang her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
