he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
