i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize