I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
