I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
