I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
