I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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