you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize