Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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