Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
