why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
