I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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