its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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