Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
