You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
