Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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