hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
