When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
