you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize