I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize