sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
