I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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