quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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