I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
