she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
