I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
