She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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