I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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