3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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