Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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