hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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