sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
