According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
