i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
