Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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