I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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