I've blown a few things in my day
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
