As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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