yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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