Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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